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1=head1 NAME
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0e6b8110 3perlepigraphs - list of Perl release epigraphs
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4
5=head1 DESCRIPTION
6
0e6b8110 7Many Perl release announcements included an I<epigraph>, a short excerpt
4363636d 8from a literary or other creative work, chosen by the pumpking or
0e6b8110 9release manager. This file assembles the known list of epigraph for
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10posterity.
11
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12I<Note>: these have also been referred to as <epigrams>, but the
13definition of I<epigraph> is closer to the way they have been used.
14Consult your favorite dictionary for details.
15
16=head1 EPIGRAPHS
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18=head2 v5.13.7 - Andy Wachowski and Lana Wachowski, 'The Matrix'
19
20[Neo sees a black cat walk by them, and then a similar black cat walk by them just like the first one]
21
22Neo: Whoa. Deja vu.
23
24[Everyone freezes right in their tracks]
25
26Trinity: What did you just say?
27Neo: Nothing. Just had a little deja vu.
28Trinity: What did you see?
29Cypher: What happened?
30Neo: A black cat went past us, and then another that looked just like it.
31Trinity: How much like it? Was it the same cat?
32Neo: It might have been. I'm not sure.
33Morpheus: Switch! Apoc!
34Neo: What is it?
35Trinity: A deja vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something.
36
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37=head2 v5.13.6 - Haruki Murakami, "Kafka on the Shore"
38
39The boy called Crow softly rests a hand on my shoulder, and with that
40he storm vanishes.
41
42"From now on -- no matter what -- you've got to be the world's toughest
43fifteen-year-old. That's the only way you're going to survive. And in order
44to do that, you've got to figure out what it means to be tough. You following
45me?"
46
47I keep my eyes closed and don't reply. I just want to sink off into sleep
48like this, his hand on my shoulder. I hear the faint flutter of wings.
49
50"You're going to be the world's toughest fifteen-year-old," Crow whispers
51as I try to fall asleep. Like he was carving the words in a deep blue tattoo
52on my heart.
53
54(Translated from Japanese by Philip Gabriel)
55
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56=head2 v5.13.5 - Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, "The Room in the Dragon Volant"
57
58Candle in hand I stepped in. I do not know whether the quality of
59air, long undisturbed, is peculiar; to me it has always seemed so, and
60the damp smell of the old masonry hung in this atmosphere. My candle
61faintly lighted the bare stone wall that enclosed the stair, the foot
62of which I could not see. Down I went, and a few turns brought me to
63the stone floor. Here was another door, of the simple, old, oak kind,
64deep sunk in the thickness of the wall. The large end of the key
65fitted this. The lock was stiff; I set the candle down upon the
66stair, and applied both hands; it turned with difficulty, and as it
67revolved, uttered a shriek that alarmed me for my secret.
68
69For some minutes I did not move. In a little time, however, I took
70courage, and opened the door. The night-air floating in puffed out
71the candle. There was a thicket of holly and underwood, as dense as a
72jungle, close about the door. I should have been in pitch-darkness,
73were it not that through the topmost leaves there twinkled, here and
74there, a glimmer of moonshine.
75
76Softly, lest any one should have opened his window at the sound of the
77rusty bolt, I struggled through this till I gained a view of the open
78grounds. Here I found that the brushwood spread a good way up the
79park, uniting with the wood that approached the little temple I have
80described.
81
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82=head2 v5.13.4 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
83
84`How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!' thought Alice;
85`I might as well be at school at once.' However, she got up, and began to repeat
86it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what
87she was saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--
88
89 "'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
90 "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
91 As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
92 Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
93
94
95`That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the Gryphon.
96
97`Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; `but it sounds uncommon
98nonsense.'
99
100Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands, wondering if
101anything would ever happen in a natural way again.
102
103`I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
104
105`She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. `Go on with the next verse.'
106
107`But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. `How could he turn them out
108with his nose, you know?'
109
110`It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully puzzled by
111the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
112
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113=head2 v5.13.3 - Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"
114
115Look at Crowley, doing 110 mph on the M40 heading towards
116Oxfordshire. Even the most resolutely casual observer would
117notice a number of strange things about him. The clenched teeth,
118for example, or the dull red glow coming from behind his
119sunglasses. And the car. The car was a definite hint.
120
121Crowley had started the journey in his Bentley, and he was
122dammned if he wasn't going to finish it in the Bentley as well.
123Not that even the kind of car buff who owns his own pair of
124motoring goggles would have been able to tell it was a vintage
125Bentley. Not any more. They wouldn't have been able to tell
126that it was a Bentley. They would only offer fifty-fifty that it
127had ever even been a car.
128
129There was no paint left on it, for a start. It might still have
130been black, where it wasn't a rusty, smudged reddish-brown, but
131this was a dull charcoal black. It traveled in its own ball of
132flame, like a space capsule making a particularly difficult
133re-entry.
134
135There was a thin skin of crusted, melted rubber left around the
136metal wheel rims, but seeing that the wheel rims were still
137somhow riding an inch above the road surface this didn't seem to
138make an awful lot of difference to the suspension.
139
140It should have fallen apart miles back.
141
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142=head2 v5.13.2 - Iain M Banks, "Use of Weapons"
143
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144We deal in the moral equivalent of black holes, where the normal laws -
145the rules of right and wrong that people imagine apply everywhere else
146in the universe - break down; beyond those metaphysical event-horizons,
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147there exist ... special circumstances.
148
149=head2 v5.13.1 - Miguel de Unamuno, "The Sepulchre of Don Quixote"
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151And if anyone shall come to you and say that he knows how to construct
152bridges and that perhaps a time will come when you will wish to avail
153yourself of his science in order to cross over a river, out with him! Out
154with the engineer! Rivers will be crossed by wading or swimming them, even
155if half the crusaders drown themselves. Let the engineer go off and build
156bridges somewhere else, where they are badly wanted. For those who go in
157quest of the sepulchre, faith is bridge enough.
158
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159=head2 v5.13.0 - Jules Verne, "A Journey to the Centre of the Earth"
160
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161The heat still remained at quite a supportable degree. With an
162involuntary shudder, I reflected on what the heat must have been
163when the volcano of Sneffels was pouring its smoke, flames, and
164streams of boiling lava -- all of which must have come up by the
165road we were now following. I could imagine the torrents of hot
166seething stone darting on, bubbling up with accompaniments of
167smoke, steam, and sulphurous stench!
168
169"Only to think of the consequences," I mused, "if the old
170volcano were once more to set to work."
171
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172=head2 v5.12.1 - Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
173
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174"Now suppose," chortled Dr. Breed, enjoying himself, "that there were
175many possible ways in which water could crystallize, could freeze.
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176Suppose that the sort of ice we skate upon and put into highballs --
177what we might call ice-one -- is only one of several types of ice.
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178Suppose water always froze as ice-one on Earth because it had never
179had a seed to teach it how to form ice-two, ice-three, ice-four
180...? And suppose," he rapped on his desk with his old hand again,
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181"that there were one form, which we will call ice-nine -- a crystal as
182hard as this desk -- with a melting point of, let us say, one-hundred
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183degrees Fahrenheit, or, better still, a melting point of one-hundred-
184and-thirty degrees."
185
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186=head2 v5.12.1-RC2 - Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
187
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188San Lorenzo was fifty miles long and twenty miles wide, I learned from
189the supplement to the New York Sunday Times. Its population was four
190hundred, fifty thousand souls, "...all fiercely dedicated to the ideals
191of the Free World."
192
193Its highest point, Mount McCabe, was eleven thousand feet above sea
194level. Its capital was Bolivar, "...a strikingly modern city built on a
195harbor capable of sheltering the entire United States Navy." The principal
196exports were sugar, coffee, bananas, indigo, and handcrafted novelties.
197
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198=head2 v5.12.1-RC2 - Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
199
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200Which brings me to the Bokononist concept of a wampeter. A wampeter is
201the pivot of a karass. No karass is without a wampeter, Bokonon tells us,
202just as no wheel is without a hub. Anything can be a wampeter: a tree,
203a rock, an animal, an idea, a book, a melody, the Holy Grail. Whatever
204it is, the members of its karass revolve about it in the majestic chaos
205of a spiral nebula. The orbits of the members of a karass about their
206common wampeter are spiritual orbits, naturally. It is souls and not
207bodies that revolve. As Bokonon invites us to sing:
208
209 Around and around and around we spin,
210 With feet of lead and wings of tin . . .
211
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212=head2 v5.12.0 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
213
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214'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
215not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why
216your cat grins like that?'
217
218'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
219
220She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
221jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby,
222and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
223
224'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
225that cats COULD grin.'
226
227'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'
228
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229=head2 v5.12.0-RC5 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
230
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231'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words
232have got altered.'
233
234'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
235there was silence for some minutes.
236
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237=head2 v5.12.0-RC4 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
238
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239'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't
240always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
241rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
242yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
243can have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
244kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
245
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246=head2 v5.12.0-RC3 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
247
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248At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
249called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you
250dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
251in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt
252sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
253
254'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This
255is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William
256the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
257to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
258accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
d517a16a 259Mercia and Northumbria --"'
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3e340399 265=head2 v5.12.0-RC1 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
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266
267So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
268hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of
269making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
270picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
271close by her.
272
273There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
274VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! Oh
275dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it
276occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time
277it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH
278OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
279Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
280never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to
281take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
282after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
283rabbit-hole under the hedge.
284
285In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
286in the world she was to get out again.
287
0e6b8110 288=head2 v5.12.0-RC0 - no epigraph
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3e340399 292=head2 v5.11.5 - Samuel Taylor Coleridge, "Christabel"
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293
294 A little child, a limber elf,
295 Singing, dancing to itself,
296 A fairy thing with red round cheeks,
297 That always finds, and never seeks,
298 Makes such a vision to the sight
299 As fills a father's eyes with light;
300 And pleasures flow in so thick and fast
301 Upon his heart, that he at last
302 Must needs express his love's excess
303 With words of unmeant bitterness.
304 Perhaps 'tis pretty to force together
305 Thoughts so all unlike each other;
306 To mutter and mock a broken charm,
307 To dally with wrong that does no harm.
308 Perhaps 'tis tender too and pretty
309 At each wild word to feel within
310 A sweet recoil of love and pity.
311 And what, if in a world of sin
312 (O sorrow and shame should this be true!)
313 Such giddiness of heart and brain
314 Comes seldom save from rage and pain,
315 So talks as it's most used to do.
316
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317=head2 v5.11.4 - Fyodor Dostoevsky, "Crime and Punishment"
318
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319And you don't suppose that I went into it headlong like a fool? I went
320into it like a wise man, and that was just my destruction. And you
321mustn't suppose that I didn't know, for instance, that if I began to
322question myself whether I had the right to gain power -- I certainly
323hadn't the right -- or that if I asked myself whether a human being is a
324louse it proved that it wasn't so for me, though it might be for a man
325who would go straight to his goal without asking questions.... If I
326worried myself all those days, wondering whether Napoleon would have
327done it or not, I felt clearly of course that I wasn't Napoleon.
328
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329=head2 v5.11.3 - Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer"
330
4363636d 331"Say -- I'm going in a swimming, I am. Don't you wish you could? But of
d517a16a 332course you'd druther work -- wouldn't you? Course you would!"
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333
334Tom contemplated the boy a bit, and said: "What do you call work?"
335
336"Why ain't that work?"
337
338Tom resumed his whitewashing, and answered carelessly: "Well, maybe it
339is, and maybe it aint. All I know, is, it suits Tom Sawyer."
340
341"Oh come, now, you don't mean to let on that you like it?"
342
343The brush continued to move. "Like it? Well I don't see why I oughtn't
344to like it. Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?"
345
346That put the thing in a new light. Ben stopped nibbling his apple. Tom
347swept his brush daintily back and forth -- stepped back to note the effect
348-- added a touch here and there-criticised the effect again -- Ben
349watching every move and getting more and more interested, more and more
350absorbed. Presently he said: "Say, Tom, let me whitewash a little."
351
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352
353=head2 v5.11.2 - Michael Marshall Smith, "Only Forward"
354
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355The streets were pretty quiet, which was nice. They're always quiet here
356at that time: you have to be wearing a black jacket to be out on the
357streets between seven and nine in the evening, and not many people in
358the area have black jackets. It's just one of those things. I currently
359live in Colour Neighbourhood, which is for people who are heavily into
360colour. All the streets and buildings are set for instant colourmatch:
361as you walk down the road they change hue to offset whatever you're
362wearing. When the streets are busy it's kind of intense, and anyone
363prone to epileptic seizures isn't allowed to live in the Neighbourhood,
364however much they're into colour.
365
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366=head2 v5.11.1 - Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
367
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368Milo had been caught red-handed in the act of plundering his countrymen,
369and, as a result, his stock had never been higher. He proved good as his
370word when a rawboned major from Minnesota curled his lip in rebellious
371disavowal and demanded his share of the syndicate Milo kept saying
372everybody owned. Milo met the challenge by writing the words "A Share"
373on the nearest scrap of paper and handing it away with a virtuous disdain
374that won the envy and admiration of almost everyone who knew him. His
375glory was at a peak, and Colonel Cathcart, who knew and admired his
376war record, was astonished by the deferential humility with which Mil
377presented himself at Group Headquarters and made his fantastic appeal
378for more hazardous assignment.
379
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380=head2 v5.11.0 - Mikhail Bulgakov, "The Master and Margarita"
381
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382Whispers of an "evil power" were heard in lines at dairy shops, in
383streetcars, stores, arguments, kitchens, suburban and long-distance
384trains, at stations large and small, in dachas and on beaches. Needless
385to say, truly mature and cultured people did not tell these stories
386about an evil power's visit to the capital. In fact, they even made fun
387of them and tried to talk sense into those who told them. Nevertheless,
388facts are facts, as they say, and cannot simply be dismissed without
389explanation: somebody had visited the capital. The charred cinders of
390Griboyedov alone, and many other things besides, confirmed it. Cultured
391people shared the point of view of the investigating team: it was the
392work of a gang of hypnotists and ventriloquists magnificently skilled in
393their art.
394
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395
396=head2 v5.10.1 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
397
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398'Briefly, sir, I am the Permanent Under-Secretary of State, known as
399the Permanent Secretary. Woolley here is your Principal Private
400Secretary. I, too, have a Principal Private Secretary, and he is the
401Principal Private Secretary to the Permanent Secretary. Directly
402responsible to me are ten Deputy Secretaries, eighty-seven Under
403Secretaries and two hundred and nineteen Assistant Secretaries.
404Directly responsible to the Principal Private Secretaries are plain
405Private Secretaries. The Prime Minister will be appointing two
406Parliamentary Under-Secretaries and you will be appointing your own
407Parliamentary Private Secretary.'
408
409'Can they all type?' I joked.
410
411'None of us can type, Minister,' replied Sir Humphrey smoothly. 'Mrs
412McKay types - she is your Secretary.'
413
414I couldn't tell whether or not he was joking. 'What a pity,' I said.
415'We could have opened an agency.'
416
417Sir Humphrey and Bernard laughed. 'Very droll, sir,' said Sir
418Humphrey. 'Most amusing, sir,' said Bernard. Were they genuinely
419amused at my wit, or just being rather patronising? 'I suppose they
420all say that, do they?' I ventured.
421
422Sir Humphrey reassured me on that. 'Certainly not, Minister,' he
423replied. 'Not quite all.'
424
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3e340399 433=head2 v5.10.0 - Laurence Sterne, "Tristram Shandy"
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434
435He would often declare, in speaking his thoughts upon the subject, that
436he did not conceive how the greatest family in England could stand it
437out against an uninterrupted succession of six or seven short
438noses.--And for the contrary reason, he would generally add, That it
439must be one of the greatest problems in civil life, where the same
440number of long and jolly noses, following one another in a direct line,
441did not raise and hoist it up into the best vacancies in the kingdom.
442
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0e6b8110 447=head2 v5.10.0-RC1 - no epigraph
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450
0e6b8110 451=head2 v5.9.5 - no epigraph
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0e6b8110 455=head2 v5.9.4 - no epigraph
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0e6b8110 459=head2 v5.9.3 - no epigraph
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3e340399 463=head2 v5.9.2 - Thomas Pynchon, "V"
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464
465This word flip was weird. Every recording date of McClintic's he'd
466gotten into the habit of talking electricity with the audio men and
467technicians of the studio. McClintic once couldn't have cared less
468about electricity, but now it seemed if that was helping him reach a
469bigger audience, some digging, some who would never dig, but all
470paying and those royalties keeping the Triumph in gas and McClintic
471in J. Press suits, then McClintic ought to be grateful to
472electricity, ought maybe to learn a little more about it. So he'd
473picked up some here and there, and one day last summer he got around
474to talking stochastic music and digital computers with one
475technician. Out of the conversation had come Set/Reset, which was
476getting to be a signature for the group. He had found out from this
477sound man about a two-triode circuit called a flip-flop, which when
478it turned on could be one of two ways, depending on which tube was
479conducting and which was cut off: set or reset, flip or flop.
480
481"And that," the man said, "can be yes or no, or one or zero. And
482that is what you might call one of the basic units, or specialized
483`cells' in a big `electronic brain.' "
484
485"Crazy," said McClintic, having lost him back there someplace. But
486one thing that did occur to him was if a computer's brain could go
487flip or flop, why so could a musician's. As long as you were flop,
488everything was cool. But where did the trigger-pulse come from to
489make you flip?
490
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491=head2 v5.9.1 - Tom Stoppard, "Arcadia"
492
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493Aren't you supposed to have a pony?
494
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495=head2 v5.9.0 - Doris Lessing, "Martha Quest"
496
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497What of October, that ambiguous month
498
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499=head2 v5.8.9 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
500
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501Frank and I, unlike the civil servants, were still puzzled that such a
502proposal as the Europass could even be seriously under consideration by
503the FCO. We can both see clearly that it is wonderful ammunition for the
504anti-Europeans. I asked Humphrey if the Foreign Office doesn't realise
505how damaging this would be to the European ideal?
506
507'I'm sure they do, Minister, he said. That's why they support it.'
508
509This was even more puzzling, since I'd always been under the impression
510that the FO is pro-Europe. 'Is it or isn't it?' I asked Humphrey.
511
512'Yes and no,' he replied of course, 'if you'll pardon the
513expression. The Foreign Office is pro-Europe because it is really
514anti-Europe. In fact the Civil Service was united in its desire to make
515sure the Common Market didn't work. That's why we went into it.'
516
517This sounded like a riddle to me. I asked him to explain further. And
518basically his argument was as follows: Britain has had the same foreign
519policy objective for at least the last five hundred years - to create a
520disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against
521the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and
522Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Italians
523and Germans. [The Dutch rebellion against Phillip II of Spain, the
524Napoleonic Wars, the First World War, and the Second World War - Ed.]
525
526In other words, divide and rule. And the Foreign Office can see no
527reason to change when it has worked so well until now.
528
529I was aware of this, naturally, but I regarded it as ancient history.
530Humphrey thinks that it is, in fact, current policy. It was necessary
531for us to break up the EEC, he explained, so we had to get inside. We
532had previously tried to break it up from the outside, but that didn't
533work. [A reference to our futile and short-lived involvement in EFTA,
534the European Free Trade Association, founded in 1960 and which the UK
535left in 1972 - Ed.] Now that we're in, we are able to make a complete
536pig's breakfast out of it. We've now set the Germans against the French,
537the French against the Italians, the Italians against the Dutch... and
538the Foreign office is terribly happy. It's just like old time.
539
540I was staggered by all of this. I thought that the all of us who are
541publicly pro-European believed in the European ideal. I said this to Sir
542Humphrey, and he simply chuckled.
543
544So I asked him: if we don't believe in the European Ideal, why are we
545pushing to increase the membership?
546
547'Same reason,' came the reply. 'It's just like the United Nations. The
548more members it has, the more arguments you can stir up, and the more
549futile and impotent it becomes.'
550
551This all strikes me as the most appalling cynicism, and I said so.
552
553Sir Humphrey agreed completely. 'Yes Minister. We call it
554diplomacy. It's what made Britain great, you know.'
555
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556=head2 v5.8.9-RC2 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
557
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558There was silence in the office. I didn't know what we were going to do
559about the four hundred new people supervising our economy drive or the
560four hundred new people for the Bureaucratic Watchdog Office, or
561anything! I simply sat and waited and hoped that my head would stop
562thumping and that some idea would be suggested by someone sometime soon.
563
564Sir Humphrey obliged. 'Minister... if we were to end the economy drive
565and close the Bureaucratic Watchdog Office we could issue an immediate
566press announcement that you had axed eight hundred jobs.' He had
567obviously thought this out carefully in advance, for at this moment he
568produced a slim folder from under his arm. 'If you'd like to approve
569this draft...'
570
571I couldn't believe the impertinence of the suggestion. Axed eight
572hundred jobs? 'But no one was ever doing these jobs,' I pointed out
573incredulously. 'No one's been appointed yet.'
574
575'Even greater economy,' he replied instantly. 'We've saved eight hundred
576redundancy payments as well.'
577
578'But...' I attempted to explain '... that's just phony. It's dishonest,
579it's juggling with figures, it's pulling the wool over people's eyes.'
580
581'A government press release, in fact.' said Humphrey.
582
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583=head2 v5.8.9-RC1 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
584
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585A jumbo jet touched down, with BURANDAN AIRWAYS written on the side. I
586was hugely impressed. British Airways are having to pawn their Concordes,
587and here is this little tiny African state with its own airline, jumbo
588jets and all.
589
590I asked Bernard how many planes Burandan Airways had. 'None,' he said.
591
592I told him not to be silly and use his eyes. 'No Minister, it belongs to
593Freddie Laker,' he said. 'They chartered it last week and repainted it
594specially.' Apparently most of the Have-Nots (I mean, LDCs) do this - at
595the opening of the UN General Assembly the runways of Kennedy Airport are
596jam-packed with phoney flag-carriers. 'In fact,' said Bernard with a sly
597grin, 'there was one 747 that belonged to nine different African airlines
598in a month. They called it the mumbo-jumbo.'
599
600While we watched nothing much happening on the TV except the mumbo-jumbo
601taxiing around Prestwick and the Queen looking a bit chilly, Bernard gave
602me the next day's schedule and explained that I was booked on the night
603sleeper from King's Cross to Edinburgh because I had to vote in a
604three-line whip at the House tonight and would have to miss the last
605plane. Then the commentator, in that special hushed BBC voice used for any
606occasion with which Royalty is connected, announced reverentially that we
607were about to catch our first glimpse of President Selim.
608
609And out of the plane stepped Charlie. My old friend Charlie Umtali. We
610were at LSE together. Not Selim Mohammed at all, but Charlie.
611
612Bernard asked me if I were sure. Silly question. How could you forget a
613name like Charlie Umtali?
614
615I sent Bernard for Sir Humphrey, who was delighted to hear that we now
616know something about our official visitor.
617
618Bernard's official brief said nothing. Amazing! Amazing how little the FCO
619has been able to find out. Perhaps they were hoping it would all be on the
620car radio. All the brief says is that Colonel Selim Mohammed had converted
621to Islam some years ago, they didn't know his original name, and therefore
622knew little of his background.
623
624I was able to tell Humphrey and Bernard /all/ about his background.
625Charlie was a red-hot political economist, I informed them. Got the top
626first. Wiped the floor with everyone.
627
628Bernard seemed relieved. 'Well that's all right then.'
629
630'Why?' I enquired.
631
632'I think Bernard means,' said Sir Humphrey helpfully, 'that he'll know how
633to behave if he was at an English University. Even if it was the LSE.' I
634never know whether or not Humphrey is insulting me intentionally.
635
636Humphrey was concerned about Charlie's political colour. 'When you said
637that he was red-hot, were you speaking politically?'
638
639In a way I was. 'The thing about Charlie is that you never quite know
640where you are with him. He's the sort of chap who follows you into a
641revolving door and comes out in front.'
642
643'No deeply held convictions?' asked Sir Humphrey.
644
645'No. The only thing Charlie was committed too was Charlie.'
646
647'Ah, I see. A politician, Minister.'
648
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649=head2 v5.8.8 - Joe Raposo, "Bein' Green"
650
51caa79e
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651 It's not that easy bein' green
652 Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
4363636d 653 When I think it could be nicer being red or yellow or gold
51caa79e
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654 Or something much more colorful like that
655
656 It's not easy bein' green
4363636d 657 It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
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658 And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
659 Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
660 Or stars in the sky
661
662 But green's the color of Spring
663 And green can be cool and friendly-like
664 And green can be big like an ocean
665 Or important like a mountain
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666 Or tall like a tree
667
668 When green is all there is to be
669 It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why?
670 Wonder I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
671 And I think it's what I want to be
672
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673=head2 v5.8.8-RC1 - Cosgrove Hall Productions, "Dangermouse"
674
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675 Greenback: And the world is mine, all mine. Muhahahahaha. See to it!
676
677 Stiletto: Si, Barone. Subito, Barone.
4363636d 678
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679=head2 v5.8.7 - Sergei Prokofiev, "Peter and the Wolf"
680
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681And now, imagine the triumphant procession: Peter at the head; after him the
682hunters leading the wolf; and winding up the procession, grandfather and the
683cat.
684
685Grandfather shook his head discontentedly: "Well, and if Peter hadn't caught
51caa79e 686the wolf? What then?"
4363636d 687
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688=head2 v5.8.7-RC1 - Sergei Prokofiev, "Peter and the Wolf"
689
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690And now this is how things stood: The cat was sitting on one branch. The
691bird on another, not too close to the cat. And the wolf walked round and
692round the tree, looking at them with greedy eyes.
693
694In the meantime, Peter, without the slightest fear, stood behind the
695gate, watching all that was going on. He ran home,got a strong rope and
696climbed up the high stone wall.
697
698One of the branches of the tree, around which the wolf was walking,
699stretched out over the wall.
700
701Grabbing hold of the branch, Peter lightly climbed over on to the tree.
702Peter said to the bird: "Fly down and circle round the wolf's head, only
703take care that he doesn't catch you!".
704
705The bird almost touched the wolf's head with its wings, while the wolf
706snapped angrily at him from this side and that.
707
708How that bird teased the wolf, how that wolf wanted to catch him! But
51caa79e 709the bird was clever and the wolf simply couldn't do anything about it.
4363636d 710
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711=head2 v5.8.6 - A. A. Milne, "The House at Pooh Corner"
712
4363636d 713"Hallo, Pooh," said Piglet, giving a jump of surprise. "I knew it was
51caa79e 714you."
4363636d 715
51caa79e 716"So did I,", said Pooh. "What are you doing?"
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717
718"I'm planting a haycorn, Pooh, so that it can grow up into an oak-tree,
719and have lots of haycorns just outside the front door instead of having
51caa79e 720to walk miles and miles, do you see, Pooh?"
4363636d 721
51caa79e 722"Supposing it doesn't?" said Pooh.
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723
724"It will, because Christopher Robin says it will, so that's why I'm
725planting it."
726
727"Well," aid Pooh, "if I plant a honeycomb outside my house, then it will
51caa79e 728grow up into a beehive."
4363636d 729
51caa79e 730Piglet wasn't quite sure about this.
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731
732"Or a /piece/ of a honeycomb," said Pooh, "so as not to waste too much.
733Only then I might only get a piece of a beehive, and it might be the
51caa79e 734wrong piece, where the bees were buzzing and not hunnying. Bother"
4363636d 735
51caa79e 736Piglet agreed that that would be rather bothering.
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737
738"Besides, Pooh, it's a very difficult thing, planting unless you know
739how to do it," he said; and he put the acorn in the hole he had made,
51caa79e 740and covered it up with earth, and jumped on it.
4363636d 741
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742=head2 v5.8.6-RC1 - A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
743
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744"Hallo!" said Piglet, "whare are /you/ doing?"
745
746"Hunting," said Pooh.
747
748"Hunting what?"
749
750"Tracking something," said Winnie-the-Pooh very mysteriously.
751
752"Tracking what?" said Piglet, coming closer.
753
754"That's just what I ask myself, I ask myself, What?"
755
756"What do you think you'll answer?"
757
758"I shall have to wait until I catch up with it," said Winnie-the-Pooh.
759"Now, look there." He pointed to the ground in front of him. "What do
760you see there?"
761
762"Track," said Piglet. "Paw-marks." He gave a little squeak of
763excitement. "Oh, Pooh!" Do you think it's a--a--a Woozle?"
764
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765=head2 v5.8.5 - wikipedia, "Yew"
766
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767Yews are relatively slow growing trees, widely used in landscaping and
768ornamental horticulture. They have flat, dark-green needles, reddish
769bark, and bear seeds with red arils, which are eaten by thrushes,
770waxwings and other birds, dispersing the hard seeds undamaged in their
771droppings. Yew wood is reddish brown (with white sapwood), and very
772hard. It was traditionally used to make bows, especially the English
773longbow.
774
775In England, the Common Yew (Taxus baccata, also known as English Yew) is
776often found in churchyards. It is sometimes suggested that these are
777placed there as a symbol of long life or trees of death, and some are
778likely to be over 3,000 years old. It is also suggested that yew trees
779may have a pre-Christian association with old pagan holy sites, and the
780Christian church found it expedient to use and take over existing sites.
781Another explanation is that the poisonous berries and foliage discourage
782farmers and drovers from letting their animals wander into the burial
783grounds. The yew tree is a frequent symbol in the Christian poetry of
51caa79e 784T.S. Eliot, especially his Four Quartets.
4363636d 785
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786=head2 v5.8.5-RC2 - wikipedia, "Beech"
787
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788Beeches are trees of the Genus Fagus, family Fagaceae, including about
789ten species in Europe, Asia, and North America. The leaves are entire or
790sparsely toothed. The fruit is a small, sharply-angled nut, borne in
791pairs in spiny husks. The beech most commonly grown as an ornamental or
792shade tree is the European beech (Fagus sylvatica).
793
794The southern beeches belong to a different but related genus,
795Nothofagus. They are found in Australia, New Zealand, New Guinea, New
51caa79e 796Caledonia and South America.
4363636d 797
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798=head2 v5.8.5-RC1 - wikipedia, "Pedunculate Oak" (abridged)
799
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800The Pedunculate Oak is called the Common Oak in Britain, and is also
801often called the English Oak in other English speaking countries It is a
802large deciduous tree to 25-35m tall (exceptionally to 40m), with lobed
803and sessile (stalk-less) leaves. Flowering takes place in early to mid
804spring, and their fruit, called "acorns", ripen by autumn of the same
805year. The acorns are pedunculate (having a peduncle or acorn-stalk) and
806may occur singly, or several acorns may occur on a stalk.
807
808It forms a long-lived tree, with a large widespreading head of rugged
809branches. While it may naturally live to an age of a few centuries, many
810of the oldest trees are pollarded or coppiced, both pruning techniques
811that extend the tree's potential lifespan, if not its health.
812
813Within its native range it is valued for its importance to insects and
814other wildlife. Numerous insects live on the leaves, buds, and in the
815acorns. The acorns form a valuable food resource for several small
816mammals and some birds, notably Jays Garrulus glandarius.
817
818It is planted for forestry, and produces a long-lasting and durable
51caa79e 819heartwood, much in demand for interior and furniture work.
4363636d 820
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821=head2 v5.8.4 - T. S. Eliot, "The Old Gumbie Cat"
822
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823 I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots;
824 The curtain-cord she likes to wind, and tie it into sailor-knots.
825 She sits upon the window-sill, or anything that's smooth and flat:
826 She sits and sits and sits and sits -- and that's what makes a Gumbie Cat!
827
828 But when the day's hustle and bustle is done,
829 Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun.
830 She thinks that the cockroaches just need employment
831 To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment.
832 So she's formed, from that a lot of disorderly louts,
833 A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy-scouts,
834 With a purpose in life and a good deed to do--
835 And she's even created a Beetles' Tattoo.
836
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837 So for Old Gumbie Cats let us now give three cheers --
838 On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears.
839
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840
841=head2 v5.8.4-RC2 - T. S. Eliot, "Macavity: The Mystery Cat"
842
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843 Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw --
844 For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
845 He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
846 For when they reach the scene of crime -- /Macavity's not there/!
847
848 Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
849 He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
850 His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
851 And when you reach the scene of crime -- /Macavity's not there/!
852 You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air --
853 But I tell you once and once again, /Macavity's not there/!
854
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855=head2 v5.8.4-RC1 - T. S. Eliot, "Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat"
856
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857 There's a whisper down the line at 11.39
858 When the Night Mail's ready to depart,
859 Saying 'Skimble where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble?
860 We must find him of the train can't start.'
861 All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters
862 They are searching high and low,
863 Saying 'Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble
864 Then the Night Mail just can't go'
865 At 11.42 then the signal's overdue
866 And the passengers are frantic to a man--
867 Then Skimble will appear and he'll saunter to the rear:
868 He's been busy in the luggage van!
869 He gives one flash of his glass-green eyes
870 And the the signal goes 'All Clear!'
871 And we're off at last of the northern part
872 Of the Northern Hemisphere!
873
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874=head2 v5.8.3 - Arthur William Edgar O'Shaugnessy, "Ode"
875
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876 We are the music makers,
877 And we are the dreamers of dreams,
878 Wandering by lonely sea-breakers,
879 And sitting by desolate streams; --
880 World-losers and world-forsakers,
881 On whom the pale moon gleams:
882 Yet we are the movers and shakers
883 Of the world for ever, it seems.
4363636d 884
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885=head2 v5.8.3-RC1 - Irving Berlin, "Let's Face the Music and Dance"
886
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887 There may be trouble ahead,
888 But while there's music and moonlight,
889 And love and romance,
890 Let's face the music and dance.
891
892 Before the fiddlers have fled,
893 Before they ask us to pay the bill,
894 And while we still have that chance,
895 Let's face the music and dance.
896
897 Soon, we'll be without the moon,
898 Humming a different tune, and then,
899
900 There may be teardrops to shed,
901 So while there's music and moonlight,
902 And love and romance,
903 Let's face the music and dance.
904
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905=head2 v5.8.2 - Walt Whitman, "Passage to India"
906
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907 Passage, immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins!
908 Away O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
909 Cut the hawsers - hall out - shake out every sail!
910 Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
911 Have we not grovel'd here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
912 Have we not darken'd and dazed ourselves with books long enough?
913
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914 Sail forth - steer for the deep waters only,
915 Reckless O soul, exploring, I with the and thou with me,
916 For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go,
917 And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.
918
919 O my brave soul!
920 O farther farther sail!
921 O daring job, but safe! are they not all the seas of God?
922 O farther, farther, farther sail!
923
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924=head2 v5.8.2-RC2 - Eric Idle/John Du Prez, "Accountancy Shanty"
925
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926 It's fun to charter an accountant
927 And sail the wide accountan-cy,
928 To find, explore the funds offshore
929 And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy.
930
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931=head2 v5.8.2-RC1 - Edward Lear, "The Jumblies"
932
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933 They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,
934 In a Sieve they went to sea:
935 In spite of all their friends could say,
936 On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
937 In a Sieve they went to sea!
938 And when the Sieve turned round and round,
939 And everyone cried, "You'll all be drowned!"
940 They cried aloud, "Our Sieve ain't big,
941 But we don't care a button, we don't care a fig!
942 In a Sieve we'll go to sea!"
943
944 Far and few, far and few,
945 Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
946 Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
947 And they went to sea in a Sieve.
948
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949=head2 v5.8.1 - Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic"
950
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951"What happens next?" asked Twoflower.
952
953Hrun screwed a finger in his ear and inspected it absently.
954
955"Oh,", he said, "I expect in a minute the door will be
956flung back and I'll be dragged off to some sort of temple
957arena where I'll fight maybe a couple of giant spiders
958and an eight-foot slave from the jungles of Klatch and then
959I'll rescue some kind of a princess from the altar and then
960I'll kill off a few guards or whatever and then this girl
961will show me the secret passage out of the place and we'll
962liberate a couple of horses and escape with the treasure."
963Hrun leaned his head back on his hands and looked at the
964ceiling, whistling tunelessly.
965
966"All that?" said Twoflower.
967
968"Usually."
969
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970=head2 v5.8.1-RC5 - Terry Pratchett, "Lords and Ladies"
971
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972No matter what she did with her hair it took about
973three minutes for it to tangle itself up again,
974like a garden hosepipe in a shed [Footnote: Which,
975no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil
976overnight and tie the lawnmower to the bicycles].
977
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978=head2 v5.6.2 - Sterne, "Tristram Shandy"
979
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980When great or unexpected events fall out upon the stage of this
981sublunary word--the mind of man, which is an inquisitive kind of
982a substance, naturally takes a flight, behind the scenes, to see
983what is the cause and first spring of them--The search was not
984long in this instance.
985
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986=head2 v5.6.2-RC1 - Sterne, "Tristram Shandy"
987
51caa79e 988"Pray, my dear", quoth my mother, "have you not forgot to wind up the clock?"
4363636d 989
0e6b8110 990=head2 5.005_05-RC1 - no epigraph
4363636d 991
3e340399
RS
992Z<>
993
0e6b8110 994=head2 5.005_04 - no epigraph
4363636d 995
3e340399 996Z<>
4363636d 997
3e340399 998=head2 5.005_04-RC2 - Rudyard Kipling, "The Jungle Book"
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999
1000The monkeys called the place their city, and pretended to despise
1001the Jungle-People because they lived in the forest. And yet they
1002never knew what the buildings were made for nor how to use
1003them. They would sit in circles on the hall of the king's council
1004chamber, and scratch for fleas and pretend to be men; or they would
1005run in and out of the roofless houses and collect pieces of plaster
1006and old bricks in a corner, and forget where they had hidden them,
1007and fight and cry in scuffling crowds, and then break off to play up
1008and down the terraces of the king's garden, where they would shake
1009the rose trees and the oranges in sport to see the fruit and flowers
1010fall.
1011
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1012=head2 5.005_04-RC1 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
1013
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1014Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
1015plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was
1016going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what
1017she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she looked
1018at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
1019cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
1020hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she
1021passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great
1022disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
1023of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
51caa79e 1024she fell past it.
4363636d 1025
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1026=head1 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
1027
0e6b8110 1028This document was originally compiled based on a list of epigraphs
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1029on L<Perl Monks|http://perlmonks.org> titled
1030L<Recent Perl Release Announcement|http://perlmonks.org/?node_id=372406>
1031by ysth.
1032
1033=cut
3e340399 1034
4363636d 1035# vim:tw=72: