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[perl5.git] / Porting / epigraphs.pod
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1=head1 NAME
2
0e6b8110 3perlepigraphs - list of Perl release epigraphs
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5=head1 DESCRIPTION
6
0e6b8110 7Many Perl release announcements included an I<epigraph>, a short excerpt
4363636d 8from a literary or other creative work, chosen by the pumpking or
0e6b8110 9release manager. This file assembles the known list of epigraph for
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10posterity.
11
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12I<Note>: these have also been referred to as <epigrams>, but the
13definition of I<epigraph> is closer to the way they have been used.
14Consult your favorite dictionary for details.
15
16=head1 EPIGRAPHS
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18=head2 v5.13.8 - Roger Williams, L<"The Fifth Gift"|http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2005/8/19/21304/8493>
19
20The aliens called the box a "matter generator," but we'd be more inclined
21to call it a matter duplicator. By connecting switches and potentiometers
22between the copper posts it was possible to make the box mark off two
23cubic rectangular areas of volume. Make a certain contact, and these
24areas would be isolated within perfectly reflective fields. They could
25be expanded or contracted by altering resistances between other posts.
26As I worked out the user interface I built a little control panel for
27the device. It was actually a clever way for the aliens to do things;
28instead of trying to build controls we could use, they built us an
29interface we could attach to controls that made sense to us. It could
30also be automated.
31
32Once you had made the contact that established the shielded volumes,
33if you made another certain contact the contents of the first volume
34were copied to the second. The machine copied metal, plastic, steel,
35and diamond with equal ease. Copies of copies of copies of copies were
36indistinguishable from the originals at any magnification, even using
37techniques like X-ray crystallography.
38
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39=head2 v5.13.7 - Andy Wachowski and Lana Wachowski, 'The Matrix'
40
41[Neo sees a black cat walk by them, and then a similar black cat walk by them just like the first one]
42
43Neo: Whoa. Deja vu.
44
45[Everyone freezes right in their tracks]
46
47Trinity: What did you just say?
48Neo: Nothing. Just had a little deja vu.
49Trinity: What did you see?
50Cypher: What happened?
51Neo: A black cat went past us, and then another that looked just like it.
52Trinity: How much like it? Was it the same cat?
53Neo: It might have been. I'm not sure.
54Morpheus: Switch! Apoc!
55Neo: What is it?
56Trinity: A deja vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something.
57
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58=head2 v5.13.6 - Haruki Murakami, "Kafka on the Shore"
59
60The boy called Crow softly rests a hand on my shoulder, and with that
61he storm vanishes.
62
63"From now on -- no matter what -- you've got to be the world's toughest
64fifteen-year-old. That's the only way you're going to survive. And in order
65to do that, you've got to figure out what it means to be tough. You following
66me?"
67
68I keep my eyes closed and don't reply. I just want to sink off into sleep
69like this, his hand on my shoulder. I hear the faint flutter of wings.
70
71"You're going to be the world's toughest fifteen-year-old," Crow whispers
72as I try to fall asleep. Like he was carving the words in a deep blue tattoo
73on my heart.
74
75(Translated from Japanese by Philip Gabriel)
76
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77=head2 v5.13.5 - Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, "The Room in the Dragon Volant"
78
79Candle in hand I stepped in. I do not know whether the quality of
80air, long undisturbed, is peculiar; to me it has always seemed so, and
81the damp smell of the old masonry hung in this atmosphere. My candle
82faintly lighted the bare stone wall that enclosed the stair, the foot
83of which I could not see. Down I went, and a few turns brought me to
84the stone floor. Here was another door, of the simple, old, oak kind,
85deep sunk in the thickness of the wall. The large end of the key
86fitted this. The lock was stiff; I set the candle down upon the
87stair, and applied both hands; it turned with difficulty, and as it
88revolved, uttered a shriek that alarmed me for my secret.
89
90For some minutes I did not move. In a little time, however, I took
91courage, and opened the door. The night-air floating in puffed out
92the candle. There was a thicket of holly and underwood, as dense as a
93jungle, close about the door. I should have been in pitch-darkness,
94were it not that through the topmost leaves there twinkled, here and
95there, a glimmer of moonshine.
96
97Softly, lest any one should have opened his window at the sound of the
98rusty bolt, I struggled through this till I gained a view of the open
99grounds. Here I found that the brushwood spread a good way up the
100park, uniting with the wood that approached the little temple I have
101described.
102
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103=head2 v5.13.4 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
104
105`How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!' thought Alice;
106`I might as well be at school at once.' However, she got up, and began to repeat
107it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what
108she was saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--
109
110 "'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
111 "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
112 As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
113 Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
114
115
116`That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the Gryphon.
117
118`Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; `but it sounds uncommon
119nonsense.'
120
121Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands, wondering if
122anything would ever happen in a natural way again.
123
124`I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
125
126`She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. `Go on with the next verse.'
127
128`But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. `How could he turn them out
129with his nose, you know?'
130
131`It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully puzzled by
132the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
133
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134=head2 v5.13.3 - Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"
135
136Look at Crowley, doing 110 mph on the M40 heading towards
137Oxfordshire. Even the most resolutely casual observer would
138notice a number of strange things about him. The clenched teeth,
139for example, or the dull red glow coming from behind his
140sunglasses. And the car. The car was a definite hint.
141
142Crowley had started the journey in his Bentley, and he was
143dammned if he wasn't going to finish it in the Bentley as well.
144Not that even the kind of car buff who owns his own pair of
145motoring goggles would have been able to tell it was a vintage
146Bentley. Not any more. They wouldn't have been able to tell
147that it was a Bentley. They would only offer fifty-fifty that it
148had ever even been a car.
149
150There was no paint left on it, for a start. It might still have
151been black, where it wasn't a rusty, smudged reddish-brown, but
152this was a dull charcoal black. It traveled in its own ball of
153flame, like a space capsule making a particularly difficult
154re-entry.
155
156There was a thin skin of crusted, melted rubber left around the
157metal wheel rims, but seeing that the wheel rims were still
158somhow riding an inch above the road surface this didn't seem to
159make an awful lot of difference to the suspension.
160
161It should have fallen apart miles back.
162
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163=head2 v5.13.2 - Iain M Banks, "Use of Weapons"
164
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165We deal in the moral equivalent of black holes, where the normal laws -
166the rules of right and wrong that people imagine apply everywhere else
167in the universe - break down; beyond those metaphysical event-horizons,
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168there exist ... special circumstances.
169
170=head2 v5.13.1 - Miguel de Unamuno, "The Sepulchre of Don Quixote"
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172And if anyone shall come to you and say that he knows how to construct
173bridges and that perhaps a time will come when you will wish to avail
174yourself of his science in order to cross over a river, out with him! Out
175with the engineer! Rivers will be crossed by wading or swimming them, even
176if half the crusaders drown themselves. Let the engineer go off and build
177bridges somewhere else, where they are badly wanted. For those who go in
178quest of the sepulchre, faith is bridge enough.
179
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180=head2 v5.13.0 - Jules Verne, "A Journey to the Centre of the Earth"
181
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182The heat still remained at quite a supportable degree. With an
183involuntary shudder, I reflected on what the heat must have been
184when the volcano of Sneffels was pouring its smoke, flames, and
185streams of boiling lava -- all of which must have come up by the
186road we were now following. I could imagine the torrents of hot
187seething stone darting on, bubbling up with accompaniments of
188smoke, steam, and sulphurous stench!
189
190"Only to think of the consequences," I mused, "if the old
191volcano were once more to set to work."
192
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193=head2 v5.12.1 - Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
194
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195"Now suppose," chortled Dr. Breed, enjoying himself, "that there were
196many possible ways in which water could crystallize, could freeze.
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197Suppose that the sort of ice we skate upon and put into highballs --
198what we might call ice-one -- is only one of several types of ice.
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199Suppose water always froze as ice-one on Earth because it had never
200had a seed to teach it how to form ice-two, ice-three, ice-four
201...? And suppose," he rapped on his desk with his old hand again,
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202"that there were one form, which we will call ice-nine -- a crystal as
203hard as this desk -- with a melting point of, let us say, one-hundred
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204degrees Fahrenheit, or, better still, a melting point of one-hundred-
205and-thirty degrees."
206
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207=head2 v5.12.1-RC2 - Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
208
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209San Lorenzo was fifty miles long and twenty miles wide, I learned from
210the supplement to the New York Sunday Times. Its population was four
211hundred, fifty thousand souls, "...all fiercely dedicated to the ideals
212of the Free World."
213
214Its highest point, Mount McCabe, was eleven thousand feet above sea
215level. Its capital was Bolivar, "...a strikingly modern city built on a
216harbor capable of sheltering the entire United States Navy." The principal
217exports were sugar, coffee, bananas, indigo, and handcrafted novelties.
218
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219=head2 v5.12.1-RC2 - Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
220
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221Which brings me to the Bokononist concept of a wampeter. A wampeter is
222the pivot of a karass. No karass is without a wampeter, Bokonon tells us,
223just as no wheel is without a hub. Anything can be a wampeter: a tree,
224a rock, an animal, an idea, a book, a melody, the Holy Grail. Whatever
225it is, the members of its karass revolve about it in the majestic chaos
226of a spiral nebula. The orbits of the members of a karass about their
227common wampeter are spiritual orbits, naturally. It is souls and not
228bodies that revolve. As Bokonon invites us to sing:
229
230 Around and around and around we spin,
231 With feet of lead and wings of tin . . .
232
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233=head2 v5.12.0 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
234
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235'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
236not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why
237your cat grins like that?'
238
239'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
240
241She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
242jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby,
243and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
244
245'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
246that cats COULD grin.'
247
248'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'
249
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250=head2 v5.12.0-RC5 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
251
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252'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words
253have got altered.'
254
255'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
256there was silence for some minutes.
257
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258=head2 v5.12.0-RC4 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
259
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260'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't
261always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
262rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
263yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
264can have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
265kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
266
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267=head2 v5.12.0-RC3 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
268
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269At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
270called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you
271dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
272in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt
273sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
274
275'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This
276is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William
277the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
278to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
279accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
d517a16a 280Mercia and Northumbria --"'
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0e6b8110 282=head2 v5.12.0-RC2 - no epigraph
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3e340399 286=head2 v5.12.0-RC1 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
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287
288So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
289hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of
290making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
291picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
292close by her.
293
294There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
295VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! Oh
296dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it
297occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time
298it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH
299OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
300Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
301never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to
302take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
303after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
304rabbit-hole under the hedge.
305
306In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
307in the world she was to get out again.
308
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3e340399 313=head2 v5.11.5 - Samuel Taylor Coleridge, "Christabel"
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314
315 A little child, a limber elf,
316 Singing, dancing to itself,
317 A fairy thing with red round cheeks,
318 That always finds, and never seeks,
319 Makes such a vision to the sight
320 As fills a father's eyes with light;
321 And pleasures flow in so thick and fast
322 Upon his heart, that he at last
323 Must needs express his love's excess
324 With words of unmeant bitterness.
325 Perhaps 'tis pretty to force together
326 Thoughts so all unlike each other;
327 To mutter and mock a broken charm,
328 To dally with wrong that does no harm.
329 Perhaps 'tis tender too and pretty
330 At each wild word to feel within
331 A sweet recoil of love and pity.
332 And what, if in a world of sin
333 (O sorrow and shame should this be true!)
334 Such giddiness of heart and brain
335 Comes seldom save from rage and pain,
336 So talks as it's most used to do.
337
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338=head2 v5.11.4 - Fyodor Dostoevsky, "Crime and Punishment"
339
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340And you don't suppose that I went into it headlong like a fool? I went
341into it like a wise man, and that was just my destruction. And you
342mustn't suppose that I didn't know, for instance, that if I began to
343question myself whether I had the right to gain power -- I certainly
344hadn't the right -- or that if I asked myself whether a human being is a
345louse it proved that it wasn't so for me, though it might be for a man
346who would go straight to his goal without asking questions.... If I
347worried myself all those days, wondering whether Napoleon would have
348done it or not, I felt clearly of course that I wasn't Napoleon.
349
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350=head2 v5.11.3 - Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer"
351
4363636d 352"Say -- I'm going in a swimming, I am. Don't you wish you could? But of
d517a16a 353course you'd druther work -- wouldn't you? Course you would!"
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354
355Tom contemplated the boy a bit, and said: "What do you call work?"
356
357"Why ain't that work?"
358
359Tom resumed his whitewashing, and answered carelessly: "Well, maybe it
360is, and maybe it aint. All I know, is, it suits Tom Sawyer."
361
362"Oh come, now, you don't mean to let on that you like it?"
363
364The brush continued to move. "Like it? Well I don't see why I oughtn't
365to like it. Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?"
366
367That put the thing in a new light. Ben stopped nibbling his apple. Tom
368swept his brush daintily back and forth -- stepped back to note the effect
369-- added a touch here and there-criticised the effect again -- Ben
370watching every move and getting more and more interested, more and more
371absorbed. Presently he said: "Say, Tom, let me whitewash a little."
372
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373
374=head2 v5.11.2 - Michael Marshall Smith, "Only Forward"
375
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376The streets were pretty quiet, which was nice. They're always quiet here
377at that time: you have to be wearing a black jacket to be out on the
378streets between seven and nine in the evening, and not many people in
379the area have black jackets. It's just one of those things. I currently
380live in Colour Neighbourhood, which is for people who are heavily into
381colour. All the streets and buildings are set for instant colourmatch:
382as you walk down the road they change hue to offset whatever you're
383wearing. When the streets are busy it's kind of intense, and anyone
384prone to epileptic seizures isn't allowed to live in the Neighbourhood,
385however much they're into colour.
386
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387=head2 v5.11.1 - Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
388
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389Milo had been caught red-handed in the act of plundering his countrymen,
390and, as a result, his stock had never been higher. He proved good as his
391word when a rawboned major from Minnesota curled his lip in rebellious
392disavowal and demanded his share of the syndicate Milo kept saying
393everybody owned. Milo met the challenge by writing the words "A Share"
394on the nearest scrap of paper and handing it away with a virtuous disdain
395that won the envy and admiration of almost everyone who knew him. His
396glory was at a peak, and Colonel Cathcart, who knew and admired his
397war record, was astonished by the deferential humility with which Mil
398presented himself at Group Headquarters and made his fantastic appeal
399for more hazardous assignment.
400
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401=head2 v5.11.0 - Mikhail Bulgakov, "The Master and Margarita"
402
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403Whispers of an "evil power" were heard in lines at dairy shops, in
404streetcars, stores, arguments, kitchens, suburban and long-distance
405trains, at stations large and small, in dachas and on beaches. Needless
406to say, truly mature and cultured people did not tell these stories
407about an evil power's visit to the capital. In fact, they even made fun
408of them and tried to talk sense into those who told them. Nevertheless,
409facts are facts, as they say, and cannot simply be dismissed without
410explanation: somebody had visited the capital. The charred cinders of
411Griboyedov alone, and many other things besides, confirmed it. Cultured
412people shared the point of view of the investigating team: it was the
413work of a gang of hypnotists and ventriloquists magnificently skilled in
414their art.
415
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416
417=head2 v5.10.1 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
418
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419'Briefly, sir, I am the Permanent Under-Secretary of State, known as
420the Permanent Secretary. Woolley here is your Principal Private
421Secretary. I, too, have a Principal Private Secretary, and he is the
422Principal Private Secretary to the Permanent Secretary. Directly
423responsible to me are ten Deputy Secretaries, eighty-seven Under
424Secretaries and two hundred and nineteen Assistant Secretaries.
425Directly responsible to the Principal Private Secretaries are plain
426Private Secretaries. The Prime Minister will be appointing two
427Parliamentary Under-Secretaries and you will be appointing your own
428Parliamentary Private Secretary.'
429
430'Can they all type?' I joked.
431
432'None of us can type, Minister,' replied Sir Humphrey smoothly. 'Mrs
433McKay types - she is your Secretary.'
434
435I couldn't tell whether or not he was joking. 'What a pity,' I said.
436'We could have opened an agency.'
437
438Sir Humphrey and Bernard laughed. 'Very droll, sir,' said Sir
439Humphrey. 'Most amusing, sir,' said Bernard. Were they genuinely
440amused at my wit, or just being rather patronising? 'I suppose they
441all say that, do they?' I ventured.
442
443Sir Humphrey reassured me on that. 'Certainly not, Minister,' he
444replied. 'Not quite all.'
445
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3e340399 454=head2 v5.10.0 - Laurence Sterne, "Tristram Shandy"
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455
456He would often declare, in speaking his thoughts upon the subject, that
457he did not conceive how the greatest family in England could stand it
458out against an uninterrupted succession of six or seven short
459noses.--And for the contrary reason, he would generally add, That it
460must be one of the greatest problems in civil life, where the same
461number of long and jolly noses, following one another in a direct line,
462did not raise and hoist it up into the best vacancies in the kingdom.
463
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0e6b8110 468=head2 v5.10.0-RC1 - no epigraph
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0e6b8110 480=head2 v5.9.3 - no epigraph
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3e340399 484=head2 v5.9.2 - Thomas Pynchon, "V"
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485
486This word flip was weird. Every recording date of McClintic's he'd
487gotten into the habit of talking electricity with the audio men and
488technicians of the studio. McClintic once couldn't have cared less
489about electricity, but now it seemed if that was helping him reach a
490bigger audience, some digging, some who would never dig, but all
491paying and those royalties keeping the Triumph in gas and McClintic
492in J. Press suits, then McClintic ought to be grateful to
493electricity, ought maybe to learn a little more about it. So he'd
494picked up some here and there, and one day last summer he got around
495to talking stochastic music and digital computers with one
496technician. Out of the conversation had come Set/Reset, which was
497getting to be a signature for the group. He had found out from this
498sound man about a two-triode circuit called a flip-flop, which when
499it turned on could be one of two ways, depending on which tube was
500conducting and which was cut off: set or reset, flip or flop.
501
502"And that," the man said, "can be yes or no, or one or zero. And
503that is what you might call one of the basic units, or specialized
504`cells' in a big `electronic brain.' "
505
506"Crazy," said McClintic, having lost him back there someplace. But
507one thing that did occur to him was if a computer's brain could go
508flip or flop, why so could a musician's. As long as you were flop,
509everything was cool. But where did the trigger-pulse come from to
510make you flip?
511
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512=head2 v5.9.1 - Tom Stoppard, "Arcadia"
513
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514Aren't you supposed to have a pony?
515
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516=head2 v5.9.0 - Doris Lessing, "Martha Quest"
517
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518What of October, that ambiguous month
519
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520=head2 v5.8.9 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
521
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522Frank and I, unlike the civil servants, were still puzzled that such a
523proposal as the Europass could even be seriously under consideration by
524the FCO. We can both see clearly that it is wonderful ammunition for the
525anti-Europeans. I asked Humphrey if the Foreign Office doesn't realise
526how damaging this would be to the European ideal?
527
528'I'm sure they do, Minister, he said. That's why they support it.'
529
530This was even more puzzling, since I'd always been under the impression
531that the FO is pro-Europe. 'Is it or isn't it?' I asked Humphrey.
532
533'Yes and no,' he replied of course, 'if you'll pardon the
534expression. The Foreign Office is pro-Europe because it is really
535anti-Europe. In fact the Civil Service was united in its desire to make
536sure the Common Market didn't work. That's why we went into it.'
537
538This sounded like a riddle to me. I asked him to explain further. And
539basically his argument was as follows: Britain has had the same foreign
540policy objective for at least the last five hundred years - to create a
541disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against
542the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and
543Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Italians
544and Germans. [The Dutch rebellion against Phillip II of Spain, the
545Napoleonic Wars, the First World War, and the Second World War - Ed.]
546
547In other words, divide and rule. And the Foreign Office can see no
548reason to change when it has worked so well until now.
549
550I was aware of this, naturally, but I regarded it as ancient history.
551Humphrey thinks that it is, in fact, current policy. It was necessary
552for us to break up the EEC, he explained, so we had to get inside. We
553had previously tried to break it up from the outside, but that didn't
554work. [A reference to our futile and short-lived involvement in EFTA,
555the European Free Trade Association, founded in 1960 and which the UK
556left in 1972 - Ed.] Now that we're in, we are able to make a complete
557pig's breakfast out of it. We've now set the Germans against the French,
558the French against the Italians, the Italians against the Dutch... and
559the Foreign office is terribly happy. It's just like old time.
560
561I was staggered by all of this. I thought that the all of us who are
562publicly pro-European believed in the European ideal. I said this to Sir
563Humphrey, and he simply chuckled.
564
565So I asked him: if we don't believe in the European Ideal, why are we
566pushing to increase the membership?
567
568'Same reason,' came the reply. 'It's just like the United Nations. The
569more members it has, the more arguments you can stir up, and the more
570futile and impotent it becomes.'
571
572This all strikes me as the most appalling cynicism, and I said so.
573
574Sir Humphrey agreed completely. 'Yes Minister. We call it
575diplomacy. It's what made Britain great, you know.'
576
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577=head2 v5.8.9-RC2 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
578
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579There was silence in the office. I didn't know what we were going to do
580about the four hundred new people supervising our economy drive or the
581four hundred new people for the Bureaucratic Watchdog Office, or
582anything! I simply sat and waited and hoped that my head would stop
583thumping and that some idea would be suggested by someone sometime soon.
584
585Sir Humphrey obliged. 'Minister... if we were to end the economy drive
586and close the Bureaucratic Watchdog Office we could issue an immediate
587press announcement that you had axed eight hundred jobs.' He had
588obviously thought this out carefully in advance, for at this moment he
589produced a slim folder from under his arm. 'If you'd like to approve
590this draft...'
591
592I couldn't believe the impertinence of the suggestion. Axed eight
593hundred jobs? 'But no one was ever doing these jobs,' I pointed out
594incredulously. 'No one's been appointed yet.'
595
596'Even greater economy,' he replied instantly. 'We've saved eight hundred
597redundancy payments as well.'
598
599'But...' I attempted to explain '... that's just phony. It's dishonest,
600it's juggling with figures, it's pulling the wool over people's eyes.'
601
602'A government press release, in fact.' said Humphrey.
603
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604=head2 v5.8.9-RC1 - Right Hon. James Hacker MP, "The Complete Yes Minister: The Diaries of a Cabinet Minister"
605
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606A jumbo jet touched down, with BURANDAN AIRWAYS written on the side. I
607was hugely impressed. British Airways are having to pawn their Concordes,
608and here is this little tiny African state with its own airline, jumbo
609jets and all.
610
611I asked Bernard how many planes Burandan Airways had. 'None,' he said.
612
613I told him not to be silly and use his eyes. 'No Minister, it belongs to
614Freddie Laker,' he said. 'They chartered it last week and repainted it
615specially.' Apparently most of the Have-Nots (I mean, LDCs) do this - at
616the opening of the UN General Assembly the runways of Kennedy Airport are
617jam-packed with phoney flag-carriers. 'In fact,' said Bernard with a sly
618grin, 'there was one 747 that belonged to nine different African airlines
619in a month. They called it the mumbo-jumbo.'
620
621While we watched nothing much happening on the TV except the mumbo-jumbo
622taxiing around Prestwick and the Queen looking a bit chilly, Bernard gave
623me the next day's schedule and explained that I was booked on the night
624sleeper from King's Cross to Edinburgh because I had to vote in a
625three-line whip at the House tonight and would have to miss the last
626plane. Then the commentator, in that special hushed BBC voice used for any
627occasion with which Royalty is connected, announced reverentially that we
628were about to catch our first glimpse of President Selim.
629
630And out of the plane stepped Charlie. My old friend Charlie Umtali. We
631were at LSE together. Not Selim Mohammed at all, but Charlie.
632
633Bernard asked me if I were sure. Silly question. How could you forget a
634name like Charlie Umtali?
635
636I sent Bernard for Sir Humphrey, who was delighted to hear that we now
637know something about our official visitor.
638
639Bernard's official brief said nothing. Amazing! Amazing how little the FCO
640has been able to find out. Perhaps they were hoping it would all be on the
641car radio. All the brief says is that Colonel Selim Mohammed had converted
642to Islam some years ago, they didn't know his original name, and therefore
643knew little of his background.
644
645I was able to tell Humphrey and Bernard /all/ about his background.
646Charlie was a red-hot political economist, I informed them. Got the top
647first. Wiped the floor with everyone.
648
649Bernard seemed relieved. 'Well that's all right then.'
650
651'Why?' I enquired.
652
653'I think Bernard means,' said Sir Humphrey helpfully, 'that he'll know how
654to behave if he was at an English University. Even if it was the LSE.' I
655never know whether or not Humphrey is insulting me intentionally.
656
657Humphrey was concerned about Charlie's political colour. 'When you said
658that he was red-hot, were you speaking politically?'
659
660In a way I was. 'The thing about Charlie is that you never quite know
661where you are with him. He's the sort of chap who follows you into a
662revolving door and comes out in front.'
663
664'No deeply held convictions?' asked Sir Humphrey.
665
666'No. The only thing Charlie was committed too was Charlie.'
667
668'Ah, I see. A politician, Minister.'
669
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670=head2 v5.8.8 - Joe Raposo, "Bein' Green"
671
51caa79e
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672 It's not that easy bein' green
673 Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
4363636d 674 When I think it could be nicer being red or yellow or gold
51caa79e
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675 Or something much more colorful like that
676
677 It's not easy bein' green
4363636d 678 It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
51caa79e
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679 And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
680 Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
681 Or stars in the sky
682
683 But green's the color of Spring
684 And green can be cool and friendly-like
685 And green can be big like an ocean
686 Or important like a mountain
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687 Or tall like a tree
688
689 When green is all there is to be
690 It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why?
691 Wonder I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
692 And I think it's what I want to be
693
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694=head2 v5.8.8-RC1 - Cosgrove Hall Productions, "Dangermouse"
695
51caa79e
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696 Greenback: And the world is mine, all mine. Muhahahahaha. See to it!
697
698 Stiletto: Si, Barone. Subito, Barone.
4363636d 699
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700=head2 v5.8.7 - Sergei Prokofiev, "Peter and the Wolf"
701
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702And now, imagine the triumphant procession: Peter at the head; after him the
703hunters leading the wolf; and winding up the procession, grandfather and the
704cat.
705
706Grandfather shook his head discontentedly: "Well, and if Peter hadn't caught
51caa79e 707the wolf? What then?"
4363636d 708
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709=head2 v5.8.7-RC1 - Sergei Prokofiev, "Peter and the Wolf"
710
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711And now this is how things stood: The cat was sitting on one branch. The
712bird on another, not too close to the cat. And the wolf walked round and
713round the tree, looking at them with greedy eyes.
714
715In the meantime, Peter, without the slightest fear, stood behind the
716gate, watching all that was going on. He ran home,got a strong rope and
717climbed up the high stone wall.
718
719One of the branches of the tree, around which the wolf was walking,
720stretched out over the wall.
721
722Grabbing hold of the branch, Peter lightly climbed over on to the tree.
723Peter said to the bird: "Fly down and circle round the wolf's head, only
724take care that he doesn't catch you!".
725
726The bird almost touched the wolf's head with its wings, while the wolf
727snapped angrily at him from this side and that.
728
729How that bird teased the wolf, how that wolf wanted to catch him! But
51caa79e 730the bird was clever and the wolf simply couldn't do anything about it.
4363636d 731
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732=head2 v5.8.6 - A. A. Milne, "The House at Pooh Corner"
733
4363636d 734"Hallo, Pooh," said Piglet, giving a jump of surprise. "I knew it was
51caa79e 735you."
4363636d 736
51caa79e 737"So did I,", said Pooh. "What are you doing?"
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DG
738
739"I'm planting a haycorn, Pooh, so that it can grow up into an oak-tree,
740and have lots of haycorns just outside the front door instead of having
51caa79e 741to walk miles and miles, do you see, Pooh?"
4363636d 742
51caa79e 743"Supposing it doesn't?" said Pooh.
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744
745"It will, because Christopher Robin says it will, so that's why I'm
746planting it."
747
748"Well," aid Pooh, "if I plant a honeycomb outside my house, then it will
51caa79e 749grow up into a beehive."
4363636d 750
51caa79e 751Piglet wasn't quite sure about this.
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DG
752
753"Or a /piece/ of a honeycomb," said Pooh, "so as not to waste too much.
754Only then I might only get a piece of a beehive, and it might be the
51caa79e 755wrong piece, where the bees were buzzing and not hunnying. Bother"
4363636d 756
51caa79e 757Piglet agreed that that would be rather bothering.
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758
759"Besides, Pooh, it's a very difficult thing, planting unless you know
760how to do it," he said; and he put the acorn in the hole he had made,
51caa79e 761and covered it up with earth, and jumped on it.
4363636d 762
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763=head2 v5.8.6-RC1 - A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh"
764
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765"Hallo!" said Piglet, "whare are /you/ doing?"
766
767"Hunting," said Pooh.
768
769"Hunting what?"
770
771"Tracking something," said Winnie-the-Pooh very mysteriously.
772
773"Tracking what?" said Piglet, coming closer.
774
775"That's just what I ask myself, I ask myself, What?"
776
777"What do you think you'll answer?"
778
779"I shall have to wait until I catch up with it," said Winnie-the-Pooh.
780"Now, look there." He pointed to the ground in front of him. "What do
781you see there?"
782
783"Track," said Piglet. "Paw-marks." He gave a little squeak of
784excitement. "Oh, Pooh!" Do you think it's a--a--a Woozle?"
785
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786=head2 v5.8.5 - wikipedia, "Yew"
787
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788Yews are relatively slow growing trees, widely used in landscaping and
789ornamental horticulture. They have flat, dark-green needles, reddish
790bark, and bear seeds with red arils, which are eaten by thrushes,
791waxwings and other birds, dispersing the hard seeds undamaged in their
792droppings. Yew wood is reddish brown (with white sapwood), and very
793hard. It was traditionally used to make bows, especially the English
794longbow.
795
796In England, the Common Yew (Taxus baccata, also known as English Yew) is
797often found in churchyards. It is sometimes suggested that these are
798placed there as a symbol of long life or trees of death, and some are
799likely to be over 3,000 years old. It is also suggested that yew trees
800may have a pre-Christian association with old pagan holy sites, and the
801Christian church found it expedient to use and take over existing sites.
802Another explanation is that the poisonous berries and foliage discourage
803farmers and drovers from letting their animals wander into the burial
804grounds. The yew tree is a frequent symbol in the Christian poetry of
51caa79e 805T.S. Eliot, especially his Four Quartets.
4363636d 806
4363636d
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807=head2 v5.8.5-RC2 - wikipedia, "Beech"
808
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809Beeches are trees of the Genus Fagus, family Fagaceae, including about
810ten species in Europe, Asia, and North America. The leaves are entire or
811sparsely toothed. The fruit is a small, sharply-angled nut, borne in
812pairs in spiny husks. The beech most commonly grown as an ornamental or
813shade tree is the European beech (Fagus sylvatica).
814
815The southern beeches belong to a different but related genus,
816Nothofagus. They are found in Australia, New Zealand, New Guinea, New
51caa79e 817Caledonia and South America.
4363636d 818
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819=head2 v5.8.5-RC1 - wikipedia, "Pedunculate Oak" (abridged)
820
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821The Pedunculate Oak is called the Common Oak in Britain, and is also
822often called the English Oak in other English speaking countries It is a
823large deciduous tree to 25-35m tall (exceptionally to 40m), with lobed
824and sessile (stalk-less) leaves. Flowering takes place in early to mid
825spring, and their fruit, called "acorns", ripen by autumn of the same
826year. The acorns are pedunculate (having a peduncle or acorn-stalk) and
827may occur singly, or several acorns may occur on a stalk.
828
829It forms a long-lived tree, with a large widespreading head of rugged
830branches. While it may naturally live to an age of a few centuries, many
831of the oldest trees are pollarded or coppiced, both pruning techniques
832that extend the tree's potential lifespan, if not its health.
833
834Within its native range it is valued for its importance to insects and
835other wildlife. Numerous insects live on the leaves, buds, and in the
836acorns. The acorns form a valuable food resource for several small
837mammals and some birds, notably Jays Garrulus glandarius.
838
839It is planted for forestry, and produces a long-lasting and durable
51caa79e 840heartwood, much in demand for interior and furniture work.
4363636d 841
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842=head2 v5.8.4 - T. S. Eliot, "The Old Gumbie Cat"
843
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844 I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots;
845 The curtain-cord she likes to wind, and tie it into sailor-knots.
846 She sits upon the window-sill, or anything that's smooth and flat:
847 She sits and sits and sits and sits -- and that's what makes a Gumbie Cat!
848
849 But when the day's hustle and bustle is done,
850 Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun.
851 She thinks that the cockroaches just need employment
852 To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment.
853 So she's formed, from that a lot of disorderly louts,
854 A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy-scouts,
855 With a purpose in life and a good deed to do--
856 And she's even created a Beetles' Tattoo.
857
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858 So for Old Gumbie Cats let us now give three cheers --
859 On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears.
860
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861
862=head2 v5.8.4-RC2 - T. S. Eliot, "Macavity: The Mystery Cat"
863
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864 Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw --
865 For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
866 He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
867 For when they reach the scene of crime -- /Macavity's not there/!
868
869 Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
870 He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
871 His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
872 And when you reach the scene of crime -- /Macavity's not there/!
873 You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air --
874 But I tell you once and once again, /Macavity's not there/!
875
4363636d
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876=head2 v5.8.4-RC1 - T. S. Eliot, "Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat"
877
4363636d
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878 There's a whisper down the line at 11.39
879 When the Night Mail's ready to depart,
880 Saying 'Skimble where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble?
881 We must find him of the train can't start.'
882 All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters
883 They are searching high and low,
884 Saying 'Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble
885 Then the Night Mail just can't go'
886 At 11.42 then the signal's overdue
887 And the passengers are frantic to a man--
888 Then Skimble will appear and he'll saunter to the rear:
889 He's been busy in the luggage van!
890 He gives one flash of his glass-green eyes
891 And the the signal goes 'All Clear!'
892 And we're off at last of the northern part
893 Of the Northern Hemisphere!
894
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895=head2 v5.8.3 - Arthur William Edgar O'Shaugnessy, "Ode"
896
51caa79e
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897 We are the music makers,
898 And we are the dreamers of dreams,
899 Wandering by lonely sea-breakers,
900 And sitting by desolate streams; --
901 World-losers and world-forsakers,
902 On whom the pale moon gleams:
903 Yet we are the movers and shakers
904 Of the world for ever, it seems.
4363636d 905
4363636d
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906=head2 v5.8.3-RC1 - Irving Berlin, "Let's Face the Music and Dance"
907
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908 There may be trouble ahead,
909 But while there's music and moonlight,
910 And love and romance,
911 Let's face the music and dance.
912
913 Before the fiddlers have fled,
914 Before they ask us to pay the bill,
915 And while we still have that chance,
916 Let's face the music and dance.
917
918 Soon, we'll be without the moon,
919 Humming a different tune, and then,
920
921 There may be teardrops to shed,
922 So while there's music and moonlight,
923 And love and romance,
924 Let's face the music and dance.
925
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926=head2 v5.8.2 - Walt Whitman, "Passage to India"
927
4363636d
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928 Passage, immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins!
929 Away O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
930 Cut the hawsers - hall out - shake out every sail!
931 Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
932 Have we not grovel'd here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
933 Have we not darken'd and dazed ourselves with books long enough?
934
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935 Sail forth - steer for the deep waters only,
936 Reckless O soul, exploring, I with the and thou with me,
937 For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go,
938 And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.
939
940 O my brave soul!
941 O farther farther sail!
942 O daring job, but safe! are they not all the seas of God?
943 O farther, farther, farther sail!
944
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945=head2 v5.8.2-RC2 - Eric Idle/John Du Prez, "Accountancy Shanty"
946
4363636d
DG
947 It's fun to charter an accountant
948 And sail the wide accountan-cy,
949 To find, explore the funds offshore
950 And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy.
951
4363636d
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952=head2 v5.8.2-RC1 - Edward Lear, "The Jumblies"
953
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DG
954 They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,
955 In a Sieve they went to sea:
956 In spite of all their friends could say,
957 On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
958 In a Sieve they went to sea!
959 And when the Sieve turned round and round,
960 And everyone cried, "You'll all be drowned!"
961 They cried aloud, "Our Sieve ain't big,
962 But we don't care a button, we don't care a fig!
963 In a Sieve we'll go to sea!"
964
965 Far and few, far and few,
966 Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
967 Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
968 And they went to sea in a Sieve.
969
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970=head2 v5.8.1 - Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic"
971
4363636d
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972"What happens next?" asked Twoflower.
973
974Hrun screwed a finger in his ear and inspected it absently.
975
976"Oh,", he said, "I expect in a minute the door will be
977flung back and I'll be dragged off to some sort of temple
978arena where I'll fight maybe a couple of giant spiders
979and an eight-foot slave from the jungles of Klatch and then
980I'll rescue some kind of a princess from the altar and then
981I'll kill off a few guards or whatever and then this girl
982will show me the secret passage out of the place and we'll
983liberate a couple of horses and escape with the treasure."
984Hrun leaned his head back on his hands and looked at the
985ceiling, whistling tunelessly.
986
987"All that?" said Twoflower.
988
989"Usually."
990
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991=head2 v5.8.1-RC5 - Terry Pratchett, "Lords and Ladies"
992
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993No matter what she did with her hair it took about
994three minutes for it to tangle itself up again,
995like a garden hosepipe in a shed [Footnote: Which,
996no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil
997overnight and tie the lawnmower to the bicycles].
998
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999=head2 v5.6.2 - Sterne, "Tristram Shandy"
1000
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1001When great or unexpected events fall out upon the stage of this
1002sublunary word--the mind of man, which is an inquisitive kind of
1003a substance, naturally takes a flight, behind the scenes, to see
1004what is the cause and first spring of them--The search was not
1005long in this instance.
1006
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1007=head2 v5.6.2-RC1 - Sterne, "Tristram Shandy"
1008
51caa79e 1009"Pray, my dear", quoth my mother, "have you not forgot to wind up the clock?"
4363636d 1010
0e6b8110 1011=head2 5.005_05-RC1 - no epigraph
4363636d 1012
3e340399
RS
1013Z<>
1014
0e6b8110 1015=head2 5.005_04 - no epigraph
4363636d 1016
3e340399 1017Z<>
4363636d 1018
3e340399 1019=head2 5.005_04-RC2 - Rudyard Kipling, "The Jungle Book"
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1020
1021The monkeys called the place their city, and pretended to despise
1022the Jungle-People because they lived in the forest. And yet they
1023never knew what the buildings were made for nor how to use
1024them. They would sit in circles on the hall of the king's council
1025chamber, and scratch for fleas and pretend to be men; or they would
1026run in and out of the roofless houses and collect pieces of plaster
1027and old bricks in a corner, and forget where they had hidden them,
1028and fight and cry in scuffling crowds, and then break off to play up
1029and down the terraces of the king's garden, where they would shake
1030the rose trees and the oranges in sport to see the fruit and flowers
1031fall.
1032
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1033=head2 5.005_04-RC1 - Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
1034
4363636d
DG
1035Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
1036plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was
1037going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what
1038she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she looked
1039at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
1040cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
1041hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she
1042passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great
1043disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
1044of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
51caa79e 1045she fell past it.
4363636d 1046
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1047=head1 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
1048
0e6b8110 1049This document was originally compiled based on a list of epigraphs
4363636d
DG
1050on L<Perl Monks|http://perlmonks.org> titled
1051L<Recent Perl Release Announcement|http://perlmonks.org/?node_id=372406>
1052by ysth.
1053
1054=cut
3e340399 1055
4363636d 1056# vim:tw=72: